I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
