put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Randomize
