If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
