I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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