She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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