he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
