My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
this is an emotional support booty call
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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