I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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