We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
