She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
