just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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