Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
