so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
