Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
