After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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