I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
