Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
