people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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