you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
