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• (708): View more from Illinois

  i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!

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• (951): View more from California

  what ever happened to devon sawa?

  (415): View more from California

  fuck...who knows?

  (951): View more from California

  i'm really worried about him.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.

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• (310): View more from California

  If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can

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• (530): View more from California

  What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.

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