I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
