I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
