if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
