Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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