i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
