She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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