Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
