i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
