I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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