my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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