We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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