it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
