The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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