I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My penis needs a shock collar
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
