I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
