Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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