just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
