she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
