i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He better not be in your backpack
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
