Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
