My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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