my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
