I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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