I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
