Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
