oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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