Nicole vs. Life
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
