when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
