Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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