in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
