We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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