I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
