you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
