so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
