Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He felt like a one man threesome
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
