There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
